Later That Day

Later that day at a press conference after his speech to the Olympics Committee:

the Obama: Thank you, thank you, please not need to cheer!
Assistant: leaning in - Mr. President, no one is cheering, it's the press.
the Obama: a little dismayed - Oh, I just thought, given how important this speech was to the world and our goal of Olympics control - I just thought they would be cheering.
Assistant: Sorry Mr. President.
the Obama: That's okay, I'll still answer their questions.
Fox News Correspondent: Mr. President, how do you answer those who say, that given the state of affairs at home and in Afghanistan and Iraq, the President of the United States has better things to do then traipse off to Europe to lobby for a Chicago Olympics??
the Obama: That is an unmitigated lie, I did not have an affair here or at home. I'm ordering my Chief-of-Staff, what's his name - RAHM - TELEPROMPTER, to set up a call-in line so people can call in and tell on their neighbors for spreading these vicious lies about Health Care and my disinterest in, what the hell's that General's name - Crystal Light® - you know he makes Lemonade! Uh, yes, North Korea, I have this to say about that, we will not tolerate North Korea having the Olympics - it just ain't right. Our troops can't compete if they given the Olympics to North Korea, or Japan for that matter. Anyway, I was real stern with General Orders, I think that is his name, that there would be no new troops in Chicago unless we get the Olympics there and then they will really make a difference on the ground tearing down ghettos and low income housing to make room for a bright new Olympic Village - broad smile - hey, you know I was thinking, that we could send all those displaced poor people to, hey, where's that place where them bad guys are pushing us around - oh yes, New York City, we could send all those poor people to New York City and they could fight with those Talimen, Taliwomen - damn, where is that Teleprompter when you need it, going to have to have a talk with it when I get home.
Assistant: leaning in - ah Mr. President, the microphones are still on.
the Obama: looking out over a bewildered crowd of reporters and on lookers - Ah, sorry, where was I, ah yes, We will not give one inch to the terrorists, the Talismen, when it comes to the Olympics coming to Chicago. They will just have to be patient and wait their turn. Those damn Argentinians can be really brutal when it comes to the Olympics. As Biden has said, I will be tested - jeeze - I really need to find time to study - err, ahh, yes, we will not rest until Iran has given up their quest for the Olympics! We need Olympic Care Reform. Millions of Americans are going without quality Olympics. My wife, Michael, Mitchell, Maurine - you, know who I'm talking about and Harpo, are here with me pressing skin and wink, wink, nudge, nudging and offering large foreign aide packages to the Olympic Committee's families and friends so that we can get the Olympics the Americans need. The State-run-media, have told me that this will reduce unemployment in American by 0.01%, and raise the income of a couple of dozen of my closest crony friends. Thus, I will have a job in 2017 helping them to spend all the money they will have made because of my efforts to bring the Olympics home to Chicago. Poverty and want in America is a direct result of not having the Olympics in Chicago. I have asked Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid to take the lead on sweeping legislation aimed at reforming the Olympics - in Chicago. So, when my critics, Rush Limbaugh, and the millions upon millions of disgruntled (and I might add, racist) Americans say that I am boondoggling, while Chicago burns, I say, Chicago is not burning, not right now anyway, cause we are still waiting to hear about getting the Olympics. Where was I, err, ahh, oh, yes, that's right, We will extend our hand to the Taliban in Rio de Janeiro, if they would just give up their bid for the Olympics. Hey, Rahm, would you get out a map and show the people where Rio is located in Japan and point out that it is strategically bad to locate an Olympics in South Africa. There's lions there for crying out load. Next Question.
NBC News Reporter: Mr. President, given all that is going on back home with Health Care reform, Nuclear Weapons in Iran and the advance of the Taliban in Afghanistan - What color scheme would you pick for the Chicago Olympics?
the Obama: looking delighted, with a big grin on his face - That is an excellent question, well, the kids named the dog, Bo and as for a color scheme, we chose brown for the carpets in the West Wing - hides the poop better. Next question.
ABC News Reporter: Mr. President, given all that is going on back home with Health Care reform, Nuclear Weapons in Iran and the advance of the Taliban in Afghanistan - Who do you think looked the best on this trip to Europe, Michelle or Oprah?
the Obama: with a sly look on his face - Another excellent question, hey Rahm, we gotta stop inviting those Fox News guys, they're always spoiling the mood - anyway getting back to this very important and relevant question to the whole issue of Olympics reform, I would say that that that Brazilian chick Mayora Tavares, had a real cute butt. And while we are on the topic if the Olympics go to Tokyo Brazil, we won't have anything to negotiate with with the Talisman in New York. Well, gotta go. Time to head home and get back to work talking non-stop on the morning shows - busy weekend.