Lemons and their Aides

You know the old saying, "When life tosses you a bunch of lemons, you make for Air Force 1 and jet off to Europe to lobby - with the other members of the black glitterati, including his wife, who has made such a major sacrifice jetting off to Europe on the tax-payer's nickle to help the 'kids,' - to have the Olympics in Chicago." And just to show us all that this was a working boondoggle, er, ah, I mean, a working trip, the Obama ordered the commander-on-the ground in Afghanistan to jump on a plane and fly to Copenhagen for a 20 minute in-depth chit-chat and photo op, on board Air Force 1 - in the President's cabin no less. I'm sure that this photo-op was very productive - the Obama gets to be seen (on camera) as really, really, really, being concerned about events in Afghanistan, while not seeming shallow for lobbying for urban Gentrification in Chicago. (On Board Air Force One - in the President's Cabin: the Obama: "Ahhh, general, you've had your 20 minutes, now get the hell out so I can finish practicing my speech to the Olympics committee. Oh, and hey, don't forget to stop at the cut out of me and smile for the press cameras. I need proof on the front page of the New York Times that I was actually doing work while on this boondoggle, er, important trip to help my Chicago, er, ah cronies, oh, er, ump, I mean the people of ACORN, darn that's not it - ah hell get out of here and stop whining about the Taliban. Next week I will extend my hand to them and let them beat the hell out of me - ah crap, where's that damn teleprompter when you need it - Rahm, what did I want to do with the Taliban? Errr, who cares, just go back to your tent and stop bugging me I got more important stuff to worry about - HEY Axel, where's Valerie Jarrett - need the name of that real estate company she owns or is associated with - need to know how many low income homes we will be plowing up to make way for the Olympic Village - ah, hell, you still here general? McChrystal: Ah, Sir, we didn't actually talk about Afghanistan and my request for more troops. You talked about Iran and how much you wished that their President, Chavez, would reconsider coming to the White House for Christmas. Sir, I really think that Chavez is dictator of Venezuela. the Obama: DON'T YOU CALL HIM A DICTATOR!!! YOU TIN STAR GRUNT. He's a freedom fighter for the interests of our Communist allies. And who the hell cares if he is leader of Iran or Iraq or the country of Copenhagen - he's a good man an idol of mine. Shit, I'm going to be late for my speech to the Olympics Committee you just need to get the hell our of here and let me get my smile just right - Rahm - where's that teleprompter - I can give a major policy speech on such an important subject without it. McChrystal: But Sir, Afghanistan, the troops." the Obama: You still here - what the hell do troops have to do with the Olympics - ah now I see, you're want to see more troops competing in the Olympics. What a great idea General - ahhh, what's your name... hell, never mind - how 'bout I just call your Mills, General Mills. I like that. Now what were you saying about health care - Rahm, where's that damn Teleprompter, and where that hell is Biden. Assistant: Mr. President... the Obama: Missy, you don't have to be so formal - just call me the Anointed One! Assistant: Sir, we didn't bring Vice President with us. the Obama: Who, I wasn't asking about the Vice President I was asking about Biden - ahhh, you know, some how I think that those two are plotting something. Assistant: Sir, which two are plotting something? the Obama: Weren't you paying attention, the Vice President and Biden. RAHM, the TELEPROMPTER - Does my hair look okay and the tie, does the tie match my underwear - oh wait I'm not wearing underwear - hee, hee ... Michelle really likes it when I go commando - get it? Wink, Commando in Chief - great title ay General Mills?? Hey, you still here? RAHM... Assistant: Sir, Mr. Emanuel did not come with us either. the Obama: Who?? Assistant: Sir? Mr. Emanuel, your Chief-of-Staff sir. the Obama: Who???? Assistant: Rahm, Sir - exasperated. the Obama: That's who I'm looking for, where the hell is he - RAHMMMMM - TELEPROMPTER. And don't you call him by Rahm, he's important and you need to address him more formally - Mr. Mills, it's Rahm Mills. I've heard that name somewhere. Assistant: Yes, Mr. President, my apologies, Mr. President, but Mr. President, there is no teleprompter. the Obama: looking dejected, I can't give a major policy speech without a teleprompter - hey general, what the hell is your name, ah yes, Orders, hey, General Orders, how does this sound: 'I have a Dream, of a Nuclear Weapons Free World, and toward the goal of that dream, We need to pull the Olympics from Japan and move it to Chicago.' Sounds great doesn't it? I'm done with you General Biden, go back to Korea and tell the troops I'm pulling for them to compete in the Olympics when they come to Chicago. Oh, and General, I'm goin' to want a full report from you on why you flew all the way here to, ah, looking at Assistant, where are we, ah yes Paris, just to tell me you want our troops to compete in the Olympics - when they come to Chicago - sly smile - that's wasting tax payer money just so you can boondoggle here in Paris Denmark. Fighting the Japanese should be your first priority not the Olympics. Now I gotta go - I hear they need me to give a very important speech on protecting the world from the spread of the Olympics.")